2004-08-06-7:52 p.m.
I'm sorta pissed off about this diary. Two years of writing, two years, and when I give out the address to people they always ask about the women.

"Well what happened with her? Why didn't it work out?"

Just really damn nosy. I am human, I make mistakes. We try something for experience. My life as a 20 something is about trail and error, accepting and then rejecting or rejecting and then accepting. Jobs, hobbies, viewpoints... all of it is constantly shifting around for me. I believe life is not a constant. Never do I contradict myself because I might feel different about something a year from now. Why are women so different? If I've learned anything it's not to sell one's autonomy short. That, writting down my 'experiments' in irresponsible relationships has caused me nothing but constant nagging and judgement calls.

If we could see into other's lives we would see the same thing. Many mistakes and indecision. Failures, moments of weakness, flaws of characters, the monster within us. Has this diary done that? Has it become so personal to describe every detail that it draws a strange picture to the viewer who has never meet me?

I refuse to be judged as if God was judging. I swear that this diary will not be given to anyone else who I have contact with. Only people who are extremely close should be able to know my ugliness, my darkness, my failures.

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