2004-06-26-4:07 p.m.
I asked Sarah about ghosts and then she disappears! What's up with that?

I don't believe in ghosts. I never even knew that people in our times actually were freaked out by ghosts. That was something a 100 years ago with all the shit fiction about super science and precognition. Why would anyone want to believe in ghosts? I've never seen one. As human beings we have so much abstract thought that we create monsters that are air yet to us they are concrete. Paine had the idea that if it's real, then everyone can experience it. This is why Paine hated all religions and I"m guessing why he wouldn't care if someone told him about ghosts. All of it is fantasy. We are certainly very creative to make up such ideas that we actually scare ourselves.

Online, they have quotes from Slipknot(blech..) about staying in a haunted mansion. They are a perfect example of chumps who HEARD a house was haunted and by some hidden want inside themselves, psyched out their higher thinking abilities to believe the wind, or a sound, or a door moving was a ghost.

In a goddam office building, if a door slowly opens, is it a ghost?

On the street, if newspaper is blowing in the wind, is it the paranormal?

I just can't relate. To me it's silly. This is like my Sister, who read RL Stine as a kid and got damn spooked and made me sleep in her room on the floor so she wouldn't be scared.

Doesn't anyone watch scooby doo? It's always Old Man Feurgason under the mask.

Sarah said this about me: "I really do feel that we could do something amazing together. he could be my Henry Miller and I his Anis Nin, or some other lit couple..."

That was the biggest turn on of my entire life. And it's not being called Henry Miller. I mean, don't smack my ass, kiss me, and call me Henry. Just the feeling in that sentence, the emotion, where you want to go up to someone and hug them forever. You want your body to just melt into hers that hug is so powerful. It made me feel beyond good.

And this was after we fought really a lot. I know it's hard for Sarah to trust me. But I have a feeling she's been through some bad times. I'm glad she doesn't trust me right away or that she dumps all her emotional baggage on me everytime. Shows she has some inner strength... or just something else that I'll find out later.

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