2004-06-21-1:27 a.m.
Kat:: "Is english a second language to you? I know that sounds rude, but really it's not."

My brain is wired backwards. I know nothing of the english language. My sentences make competent people trip up. I own Hacker's book on English, yet it's now collecting dust on my bookshelf. When I was in 3rd grade, I was told that my handwritting was atrocious and was made to miss class 2 times a week to practice. I never understood that patience yields progress yet I didn't really care that my handwritting wasn't readable either. At that time as well, I couldn't pronounce the "th" sound. So saying "three" would sound like "free." My friends (demons?) would always make fun of me for that. Also I never learned to tie my shoe till I was 9... and that happened by mistake in Utah, odd enough. I also taught myself how to blow a bubble with gum after tons of people tried very hard to explain how simple it was to blow a bubble. The same goes for snapping the fingers, it just happened by mistake while playing around.

But I'm weird. I'm Gonzo weird. I can't string a sentence correctly like normal people. Maybe I should blame some form of learning disorder. I actually have a hard time pronouncing some words correctly and even making up words to mean something. Like, I made up the word "instantation." I think Piaget might have used that? But I sorta doubt it.

I'm not a Math person either. I can copy any form and memorize rules easy enough. But see math as something solid? I can't do that. They can't even explain what LOG is. Why exactly do we have imaginary numbers? Maybe I should have taken Calculus... I'm sure me and Newton could have been closet freaks together.

He fucking created calculus out of necessity!

I guess I should be thankful that I'm backwards, odd, and a thorn among the beautiful people. It might give me a chance to create something amazing. I'll be in my closet, an eternal virgin, creating a form of CO fuel so that the average man can drive his monster SUV in peace. I'll be sitting in my laundry basket writing a masterpiece that the public won't read. I will die and it won't matter because society is already dead.

I think I'm OK being a Freak. I generally let everything that I doubt just flow over me anyways.

They say anyone who can master all five Pinan katas will have peace of mind.

"Flow with whatever is happening and let your mind be free. Stay centered by accepting whatever you are doing. This is the ultimate." (Chuang Tzu)

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