2004-03-21-12:51 p.m.
I didn't realize I had to present another story in workshop so soon. I posted up a new story and I think it's a lot better than Mason Son of Alexander. Enjoy!

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The Gatekeeper

A man in a black suit walked quickly. Adjusting his equally black tie, he glanced at his Rolex. He was on time for work, as usual. His office was on the other side of a horizontal street that he crossed everyday. The crosswalk was the only brief stop on his trip.

As the man approached the crosswalk though, an old bum sat in the man’s way in a plastic fold up chair. The old bum tipped his hat, which was too large and had a wide brim, at the man and said to him, “May the Lord be with you!”

The man who was greatly disturbed at the greeting responded, “Yah, thanks, back at’cha.” The man went to press the crosswalk button but the old bum stepped in his way and said, “STOP! None shall pass.”

“What? What are you talking about?”

The old bum hit his staff against the ground to reiterate his point. “None shall pass the spot the Lord has chosen unless he is upright and virtuous.”

“Right. Who the hell are you?”

“I am… The Gatekeeper!” Everything around them went quiet, except for the barking of a Chihuahua in the distance.

“Whatever. I need to get to work.” The man started to cross the middle of the street when a police whistle blew.

“Sir, please don’t jaywalk,” said the traffic cop.

“But I need to get to work!”

“Sir, use the crosswalk.”

“Did you see what is in front of the crosswalk?”

“Oh, you mean the Gatekeeper? A good man.”

“What? Go arrest him! He’s blocking the crosswalk.”

“The Gatekeeper has a permit to be there.”

“Are you serious?”

“Very serious. The city believes he plays an important role at that particular crosswalk.”

“But he’s a crazy bum with a wooden staff and pink bunny slippers.” The only shoes the Gatekeeper owned were pink bunny slippers that squeaked when he walked.

“Sir, he has a permit. Now please return to the sidewalk.”

The man, who was shocked that the Gatekeeper had a permit to block a public crosswalk, in anger went back to the sidewalk. Approaching the Gatekeeper again (who by now was sitting in his plastic throne, stroking his chest-long gray-black beard that undoubtedly concealed a bird’s nest) the man said, “I am virtuous, God-damnit! Let me pass.”

“Virtuous you say, son of man? For you just took the Lord’s Name in vain and none shall live who curses the Lord’s Name.”

The man’s face turned crimson, “God-damnit! God-damnit! I say that word a 1000 times a day and nothing happens, God-damnit. Funny, I feel fine.”

“Backslider, your life shortens with every curse of the Lord’s Name. This is such a grievous sin that the Lord will only forgive you when you pass over to the Next World.”

“What? Not only are you The Gatekeeper but a prophet too? Not that any of that shit actually happened.”

“Oh, the Lord’s promises and miracles still exist today, for I will make them come into realization. I am the promised Messiah.”

The man, at hearing the Gatekeeper call himself the Messiah, could not hold back his laughter. “You? The Messiah? Yes, it all makes sense now. He will usher in a new era for humanity wearing pink bunny slippers and a ‘I survived the 5K run’ T-shirt.” The Gatekeeper never actually ran in the race, feeling it was beneath his character to run. He simply walked with his staff in hand singing Psalms and received the T-shirt for his holy effort.

“I have proof, oh non-believer.” The Gatekeeper then took out a Florida driver’s license. “You see non-believer, this is my true identity.”

The man took the license and the read it. “The Messiah Son of David?”

“Yes, I am King David himself.”

“Isn’t King David dead?”

“Do I look dead?”

The man was too astonished to answer and handed the driver’s license back changing the topic. “Why would the Messiah be in Florida? Shouldn’t you be in Israel or specifically not here in NYC…blocking the crosswalk?”

“I was just passing through Florida but the Lord told me to journey to this holy spot that He has chosen for only the virtuous and upright can transcend across this plane.”

“But it’s a God damn crosswalk!”

“There you go again, sinner.”

“Listen, how much money do you want to move? Five dollars?” The Gatekeeper did not respond. “Ok, Ok fifteen dollars?” Still, the Gatekeeper showed no interest. “I’ll give you my wallet!”

“Snake in the garden! What can you give me that the Lord our God has already blessed me with? He has blessed me in all my ways for I walk with the Lord. How can I take your money if I am a judge because a bribe blinds the eyes of the wise.”

“Now you’re a judge?”

“Of course, I’m King David.”

“No your not! Forget it. I need to cross for work.”

“There is one way you can cross…”

“Yah, I’ll just push you into the street.”

“Not when the House of Justice watches your actions, oh non-believer, for he will beat you to the measure of your transgression.” The Gatekeeper was referring to the traffic cop, who wouldn’t beat the man but would arrest him for assault and battery. “Answer my questions though and you may find repentance and solace in the Lord’s Eyes.” As the Gatekeeper said this, he raised his staff up, pointing it to the heavens.

“Fine, ask your God damn questions.”

“They are not damned, for the Lord has blessed them.”

“Please, just ask them.”

“If you answer this question, you may pass: Who was the third son of Shem?”

“Who’s Shem?”

The Gatekeeper then fell on his knees and called out to the Lord. “Merciful God! Please forgive this stiff neck people, for you support stupid people with compassion. They do not even know who Shem is! Shem is the oldest son of Noah.”

“Hell, how much Bible time does Shem get? A couple lines?”

“More like a couple pages, insolent one.”

“Still that’s not too much. Besides, if nobody knows who Shem is then how the hell am I suppose to know who his third son is?”

“The Lord knows. Do you give up?”

“Is it Moses?”

“Incorrect! If you were virtuous and upright then you would know that Arpachshad is Shem’s third son.”

As the Gatekeeper and the man talked, another man in a green suit and tie approached the Gatekeeper and said, “Gatekeeper, my man, what’s happen?”

“Ah, son of Ham, thank God, I am well. How is your welfare?”

“You know, I’m cool; just trying to get my bling-bling on.”

“Son of Ham, are you ready for your question?”

“Bring it on sucka. I’ll take down that MoFo.”

“What man hid 100 prophets in two different caves?”

“Oh come on Gatekeeper, that’s eazy. That would be Obadiah.”

“Correct son of Ham, you may transcend this holy place in righteousness.”

“Fershizal.” The man in the green suit then crossed without obstruction.

The man in the black suit could not believe what just happened and said to the Gatekeeper, “He cheated, right? I mean, how the hell would he know that? It’s not like he’s somehow better than me to get it.”

“Sinner, even now when you are exposed, you are still in denial. The son of Ham is virtuous and upright and only good people can see these qualities. He has even told me women of all nationalities come to his place of dwelling and bow on their knees in homage.”

The man said nothing in response but covered his face with his hand. The Gatekeeper saw his distress and said, “I see you have regret for your ways, perhaps now you will have the spirit to answer my questions.”

“I have nothing else to loss.”

“My question is: what is the last word of the Bible?”

“Is it ‘smitten’?”

“A good word against the evil of men but the correct answer is ‘Israel’.”

“OK, I can’t cross, I guess I missed out.” The man then walked back the way he came as the Gatekeeper called after him to go in peace. When the man was far enough away from the Gatekeeper, he took out his cell phone to call work. “Yah, it’s me. Listen, I can’t come to work today because I’m suddenly feeling really sick. I’ve been working too hard lately and it finally caught up with me. In fact, I’m going to take a vacation just to get away from life for awhile.”

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