2004-02-15-11:12 p.m.
I like what Richard said about mind-games. Of course, that person who we think is playing the mind-games might be naive and innocent to the feelings of others. So the only one playing minds games then is oneself.

I've been reading Don Quixote. One theme in the book is man's obsession with love. He so pines for it that if it's denied to him, he must die. It's based on nothing and it totally absorbs a man's being.

I think men sell their hearts too quickly. Ha, and we call women the emotional lovers! A man sees a beautiful woman, they talk, and without another consideration, if she is pleasent, he loves her. And when they reject those type of lovers, their heart swoons and all day long they are upset with thought about that girl.

I don't know why this is so. Maybe a man feels complete if he always has someone by his side that has his attention. Maybe he has such a strong desire to be loved himself that he makes up loving others "at first sight." Maybe love is just an excuse to get a hot lay?

I don't want to sell my heart so easily again. Of course, this happens every 1 out of 100 times. I meet lots of women and then there is that ONE that I think about all the time. And when it doesn't work out (because again, men are so lost in their "love" they ignore all facts and reason) I get upset, focus my mind on something else, and time heals.

But who cares about Spencer? He's just a fuck-toy! Why should Sarah talk to me about him, he's ONLY used for sex. It's not a problem to even think about if I was in her situation. It's a cold, dead relationship... and when it's over, you get shoved out the door. And if that sounds cruel, then it isn't just getting fucked anymore, it has feelings attached to it so then you're toying with someone else's emotions.

It's a mind-game... or better put, a shoulder to cry upon. This is why a heart shouldn't sell so easily: fact and reason are gone and their is nothing left but confusion and mixed messages.

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