2003-12-17-2:25 p.m.
I'm not dead... but come on, the suspense of me falling out of an airplane and not posting for 10 days grabbed you, right?

I did it and the first time was amazing. I wasn't scared at all except for one time: when we stood at the edge of the airplane looking down... also slowly falling towards the gap in the airplane made me panic a little. But once out of the airplane and getting the feel for gravity, everything went fine. I was the first in my class to do the jump, which made everyone feel a lot better. It was actually good for me, better to be first then last watching everyone else fall. It was very hard to breath though when falling. I had to take big gulps through my mouth to get air. I tried to scream when falling, but no sound could come out of my mouth. Oh well! But it was beyond peaceful when the shoot opened and we were just floating. No sounds, nothing... just the cold air and the horizon. These peaceful moments bring much balance to the soul. (what's a soul? Hell if I know.) So yah, if you want some peace, go skydiving. Or sit in your shower, except that wastes a lot of water and looks like you're a crazy depressed person on heavy drugs.

If I go skydiving again, instructor Ralph will teach me to jump on my own. But that costs money... I NEED A JOB DAMNIT. I'm a smart, single, attractive, young man: so what's the deal? Aye, people think women are put down, but they have the easiest time finding a job. And I don't know anyone. I don't have the hook ups, which gets everyone their instant job.

Friendship in this manner is good and evil. Good because it shows kindness to a friend with no expectation of near gain for the giver. Evil because this type of kindness is shown only to known people and not strangers. I will have to find a job after X-mas, cause there are no openings.

I'm trying to write a short fiction story for my Fiction Workshop class next semester. I have the name for my main character "Mason Aras." Very catchy eh? I've never written a short story before though. The planning will take much time... too much time I'm afraid. Beginings are very rough. I want to write about having a Love and then lossing it and then living in the present while yet still living in the past. This story is a big messed up knot so far, it will take some time to untangle it to make it mature.

I believe in love and that a certain type of love was made up. It's thought intellectual to not believe in love. It seems from this year being in Jacksonville I've learned that one needs a balance in the intellectual and the beyond logic aspects of life. I don't mean beyon logic as in God, ghosts, or ESP events. Things such as laughter, emotions, a smile, to care for no reason at all... those are the non thinking aspect of humanity. People will claim that they need reason all the time but that will lead to rigidness in living. You will be like the tin man who needs a good oil. But of course at some points we need to think and use our brains. Deep introspection, scientific method, following the rules, being reserved type thinking. Love is deep, a multilayed emotion. Yes, who wants to believe in Love after a first meeting, but it is a type of Love. It's weak, based on attraction. But say it transforms into those higher levels: why do we cry if our lover dies? That person meant more to our lives, they were a part that filled us. We knew what made them special: we Loved them.

Life always seems to have a duel nature: the genetic mapping but yet the side of humanity that shapes it into something unique.

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