2003-11-28-2:03 a.m.
You know, I haven't seen a member add on, a note, or a guestbook entry for awhile. No one IMs me on aol or yahoo anymore. Even when I post on an electronic board, no one responds.

Ah, the silence.

This diary is still a secret from the interactive world of reality. Why else choose a name like "Nisayon" when barely anyone knows what it means. The electronic diary is so secret yet so public. Countless strangers from all over the world could be reading this now! It is still a secret from the people around me though and no one close could ever find it. It can't be denied that this diary feeds vanity. We desire for others to hear our voice and we need them to hear us. This is our little place to talk about whatever we want, just to communicate with others.

But humans need independence! Can not a person write a single diaryland entry just for himself? For no one else, break those public alters, ignore the staring eyes. Writing like no one is watching (dancing like no one is watch? heh) and we just release what we need to understand. Psychological disorders, all them are underlined by conflict which causes stress. Two forces pulling and tugging against each other until finally the system finds another path to let out the pressure... the other path though is a fake pressure release and in the end will cause a person's destruction.

We should write to hurt people. We should say in our diaries "yah I cheated on my girlfriend and you know what, the sex WAS better." Why? Because it's true. Not the fact part but the essence of the self is true. What a person did destroyed another's heart and most likely his own heart. Why hide it? No, we can not blame you for the action. Humanity is weak and there can be excuses. But what we can blame you for is the seeds planted before the action. He planted in himself the seeds of further problems, he didn't resolve the conflict when it arose, he just rode the wave, higher and higher the wave went until it crashed down.

Guilt; it just brings a person's awareness away from reality. Worry; it does nothing because it is nothing. Timid; it limits life. Diaryland is the place to resolve conflict, to make a single choice. Good or evil, does it matter? As long as we accept it, then we are fine.

Why do we waste time looking for truth? I'm sure in time truth and I will come together. Searching for truth causes distress because it isn't there. When not searching, it appears suddenly like a friend out of no where... like a love you've been waiting for.

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